Is this thing on?
Alright, here we go.
I have a love-hate relationship with my impulsiveness. It’s what brought me here, to 3:36 AM, the wee hours of August 31, 2018 … typing this entry. I have been putting off doing the whole blog overhaul, finally gave in about a year later, lost most of my photos, all my pages, comments.
No regrets, I guess (although I did love how I composed my past ABOUT ME page), I guess it’s time to turn over a new leaf. A lot has changed since then.
Like, I used to think I hated the cold, but when I flew to the U.K. for the first time in December 2017, I fell absolutely in love with it, especially seeing my first snow (at 31 years old!), I was so dumbfounded I couldn’t even cry. But I sat in my Aunt’s bed listening to Sufjan Stevens’ Mystery of Love and it was one of those quiet moments I felt most alive. It was at past 7 in the morning. Goes to show that there are things we’ll constantly learn about ourselves, and it’s been one of my motivations to keep going. My journey to self-discovery and self-love is like a sine wave, which I’d rather have … over a flat line. I may be married, but spending this much time with myself taught me to love myself the most, flaws and all. Nothing like embracing the things that make you imperfect.
I’ve been living by myself with my not-so-baby catto, Gringgo for the past two years in the U.A.E. For someone who lives with Depression (and gets the occasional Anxiety Attack), it hasn’t been the easiest, but it’s been empowering.
I’m angry about a lot of things. My Husband would constantly tell me to “chill” because things get to me so much, like, the News (don’t you dare roll your eyes at me). Reading and watching the news not only frustrates me, it’s also another source of depression. I constantly find myself wondering what could physically be done to make the world better, then again I lose the drive knowing that it’s going to be useless. I could hold rallies (any determined person can make it happen), but what would that do? There are thousands of people who choose to stay blind and ignorant, and honestly, the state of my mental and emotional health could not handle the stupidity, especially when people arrogantly decide to be.
HOLD ON, I’M NOT DONE YET, OKAY — I’m way too narcissistic to end things here.