Is this thing on?
Alright, here we go.
I have a love-hate relationship with my impulsiveness. It’s what brought me to 3:36 AM, the wee hours of August 31, 2018 … typing this entry. I have been putting off doing the whole blog overhaul, finally gave in about a year later, lost most of my photos, all my pages, comments (it’s obviously taken me more than a year to finish this page as it is now 2020, lelelel).
No regrets, I guess (although I did love how I composed my past ABOUT ME page), I guess it’s time to turn over a new leaf. A lot has changed since then.
Like, I used to think I hated the cold, but when I flew to the U.K. for the first time in December 2017, I fell absolutely in love with it, especially seeing my first snow (at 31 years old!), I was so dumbfounded I couldn’t even cry. But I sat in my Aunt’s bed listening to Sufjan Stevens’ Mystery of Love and it was one of those quiet moments I felt most alive. It was at past 7 in the morning. Goes to show that there are things we’ll constantly learn about ourselves, and it’s been one of my motivations to keep going. My journey to self-discovery and self-love is like a sine wave, which I’d rather have … over a flat line. Nothing like embracing the things that make you imperfect.
I’ve been living by myself with my not-so-baby catto, Gringgo, since 2016 in the U.A.E., and for someone with Depression (and gets the occasional Anxiety Attack), it hasn’t been the easiest, but it’s been empowering.
I’m angry about a lot of things. They get to me so much, like, the News (don’t you dare roll your eyes at me). Reading and watching the news not only frustrates me, it’s also another source of depression. I constantly find myself wondering what could physically be done to make the world better, then again I lose the drive knowing that it’s going to be useless. I could hold rallies (any determined person can make it happen), but what would that do? There are thousands of people who choose to stay blind and ignorant, and honestly, the state of my mental and emotional health could not handle the stupidity, especially when people arrogantly decide to be.
I’m into Astrology so much this year, more than I previously was, and I know, some of you might think it’s silly, but it actually got me through some of the toughest days of my life. Is that weird? You know what, I don’t care.
HOLD ON, I’M NOT DONE YET, OKAY — I’m way too narcissistic to end things here.