Whether or not I’ve met you yet, I thought about writing you this. Well, it’s mostly for me (everything I put out on my slice of space on the internet is for me, anyway). I don’t know how much of my history you already know at this point, but duh, you’re my person now. We should have covered the basics. But I feel the need to tell you a few more things. Possibly things I’ve already told you, but forgot. Or things you might have already noticed, and I’d like to confirm (lel).

Know that I am someone who “likes” to sing. I burst out into song in the most random moments, and with that being said, I LOVE MUSICALS. I have this habit of watching the same ones I’m obsessed with over and over, I won’t mind if you don’t feel like watching it with me, as long as you wouldn’t mind hearing the same songs while you do your own thing, maybe in the same room I am, or in another.

I also have a tendency to re-watch Series and Movies I like, and have this annoying habit of saying the lines I memorize. Then there’s this weird thing I have with Crime Documentaries, as much as I LOVE watching them, I get nightmares. Know that I have waited for this moment to “be” with you to be able to watch them, because watching them as I live alone is a no-no, and I’m considering we’re going to be spending time together, so … I guess it’s safe for me now?

My biggest insecurity are my feet. I always thought they were fine, honestly. I have my Gramm’s feet and I love her so much that I wouldn’t think there was anything wrong with what she’s genetically passed down to me, but in High School, a guy who was courting me (and openly admitted he had a foot fetish) called mine the ugliest he’s ever seen. I try to not give my feet so much hate, but yeah. I also like wearing heels some days at work, and I walk about 9000 steps+ a day, so I occasionally get blisters. I hope that doesn’t bother you. I try my best to care for them.

In addition to this, I’m also someone who likes to do my own nails — so don’t be weirded out when you see me on the floor, sitting on a towel or whatnot, cleaning my fingernails + toenails, lel. I’ll try to do it when I’m alone if it bothers you!

I’m big on cuddles. I am honestly … quite a clingy person, but only if you’re big on them, too. I recently realized that I constantly adjust myself according to my person’s needs, mostly out of fear that I would do something they wouldn’t like, so for the most part of my life, that side of me has been repressed. But duh — you are my person now, and if anything, you wouldn’t be if we didn’t click in this aspect, and you already most probably know that I would wrap myself around you. Constantly. If you need your space, I totally get that, too. Just tell me. I’m working on not taking everything personally, which is one of my bad traits.

As much as I love being the Little Spoon, know that I will voluntarily be the Big Spoon because I would like to hug you painfully tight and give you neck and shoulder and back and nape kisses before I drift off. I would also very much like to run my hand through your back, and maybe tuck them in your boxers as I fall asleep (not sexually, more like intimately, I hope that makes sense to you) — it’s just one of my weird things. A part of my body just has to almost always touch yours.

I do like to cook from time to time, especially when I’m in the mood. I’m no expert though, so go easy on the criticism when I whip something up for us. Don’t forget that I’m Filipino, so there will be days when I’d crave Tilapia and Bangus and eat them with my bare hands (with Rice!). You don’t have to eat the same things I do, I won’t force you to, and I won’t judge you for not wanting to. I just hope you don’t mind the smell of Fish once in a while. Sorry?

Out of all the chores, I hate doing Dishes. I love hand-washing clothes and I don’t mind Ironing! I mean, it would be nice if you’d help me do the chores from time to time, but I’m just putting it out there. I’ll do my best to do the Dishes after every meal. I’ll try. Maybe you could hug me from behind as I do, or possibly lean on the Counter and tell me stories (not all the time, but when you feel like it). While you’re at it maybe make us a Cup of Tea, because doing Dishes is just … tiresome, you know? Phew. So much hard work.

I’m kind of a sap (understatement), and I cry at almost everything. You name it. Animal Videos, Surprise Videos, songs by My Chemical Romance … please don’t be weirded out. I’m just a cryer like that (and I’m heckin’ proud of it).

I honestly don’t mind staying in with you on Weekends. I don’t mind if you need a full day to play your video games, binge-watch on YouTube, go out with the boys, or do things you need to do without me, just let me know. I like me some alone time, too. On days you prefer to stay in with me, all I’d like is to be stretched out on the couch spooning each other as we feast our eyes on whatever we feel like watching. Maybe have food delivered. And maybe take naps in between, and maybe some other things in between (heh). Maybe we play Video Games. Maybe I lay my head on your lap while I watch you slay dragons (or whatever it is you feel like doing), and then I fall asleep, and maybe snore.

That being said, I’m pretty much down to do whatever it is you want to do. I just like going to Beaches, Art Galleries, the Cinema, all those mundane things — I don’t mind going to those on my own too, if you’re not up for it.

I tend to go to Marvel Premiere screenings, even if that means I need to be in the Cinema at 12:00AM or 3:00AM (I’ve done both for Avengers : Infinity War and End Game). If you’re not up for it, I do not mind. Don’t force yourself to do things you don’t like doing just for me, heh. Just thought I’d let you know. I also usually like going to Comic-Con, and … if you’re not into that, I really … do not care either, lel. I’m not going to force you to like the things I like, and I know you won’t, too (you have to know though, I will for sure be 100% interested on whatever your interests are because that’s just the type of person I am, please don’t feel pressured to show the same amount of interest or excitement with my interests, heh).

I also have a tendency to watch the same movie at the Cinema more than once. Don’t ask me how many times I’ve seen Moana, Borat, Baby Driver, and Doctor Strange on the big screen. Bonus : 40-Year-Old Virgin (back in Uni).

What I’m saying is, I’m a Nerd.

I’m not very big on “celebrating”, so you don’t have to feel pressured to come up with anything, especially on Birthdays, or all these other Capitalist-driven celebrations (lel). Not that I won’t appreciate if you do, just … I don’t want you to feel pressured in any way. I’m honestly … quite chill. As long as I get to spend time and make memories with you, that’s all I want, really. You’re with a sap. Pretty sure you already know that by now.

There are days when I’m feeling extra — so don’t be surprised if you see me taking selfies at the part of the apartment which has the best natural lighting. Just pretend like I’m not there.

Another form of self-care in my book is long baths. I usually stay soaked for an hour, surrounded by candlelight, and a classical piece playing in the background (honestly it’s just Opus 23 by Dustin O’Halloran on repeat). Maybe a bottle of Beer. Maybe RumCoke. Maybe Moscato (if we have it). Feel free to join me if you’d like.

I like holding hands. I like holding you. I will be giving you a PG-13 kiss in public every now and then, especially if you’re in the middle of telling me a story, or maybe ranting, and I just find it adorable.

I think I’m a pretty decent travel buddy. I do love eating the local dishes, topping my list of ways to actually immerse yourself in a country you’re visiting is by eating their food. I also don’t mind doing a couple of activities if you’re into that — but I may be a bit antsy if it involves water because I can’t tread in the deep. I’ve also had a terrible experience when I tried this “extreme” water sport back in 2012, fell in the water, and barely got any help from the group I was with. I also saw my Mother drown when I was 6 (which, even if she survived, understandably gave me PTSD).

I like being vulnerable, so when I open up to you about anything, I hope you won’t take it as me dumping shit on you, or being whiny. I just like to let you know what’s on my mind without fear of judgment. If you feel like giving me advise, I wouldn’t mind at all either — but when you can, during these times, just give me a cuddle. Some days all we need is a sounding board, some days all we need is someone who’d listen. Know that I will be the same with you.

Having said that, I will do my best to read the room, but if you aren’t in the mood, let me know. I have the tendency to NOT do this, which sucks — but I’m working on it.

I’m an Introvert, so there would need to be a bit of an effort from your end getting me comfortable to hang out with your friends and family, but when I open up, I’m pretty hard to shut up.

So you’ve already probably gathered this by now — my Love Languages in order are : Physical Touch, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, and Gift-giving (I do like giving gifts but they’re usually not material things, lel).

We both know this, but it’s worth repeating : Communication is so important. There will be things you won’t like about me, there will be things I won’t like about you (and I will usually keep them to myself but I’m trying to change that part of me, too) — let’s talk about it. These are expected, we are still two separate people. And trust me, I am all about compromise. I wouldn’t want you to change for me (AT ALL, especially when they don’t really affect our relationship anyway), but it would be nice to be aware of these things, for both our sake.

Okay, so Children. I’m at a point in my life where I could confidently say this, and truly mean it — if you’d like to have them with me, yes please. If you don’t, then … we won’t. And it’s not to say that I can’t make decisions on my own, because THIS IS a decision. I’m fine to have them, I’m fine to not have them. There is more to life than this. I would be more than happy to raise and mould another Human Being with you, but … it’s really not a deal-breaker for me if you think it’s not for you, or us.

I know there will be days when things will be tough. I hope we don’t ever go to bed angry at each other. I’m pretty adaptable, to be honest — just be upfront with me when there’s something I did that’s ticked you off, but please be kind when you explain this to me. With love, comes respect. Even if we’re together, I know that there are still boundaries that should exist between couples — so let me know if I’ve crossed one of yours.

I don’t know when we’re going to be with each other, I’m just going with the flow right now. I’ve tried to meet people online and it’s just not my thing, and when it comes to relationships, I am truly not the type who wants to force things. I prefer when they happen naturally, you know? I’ve completely entrusted everything in this aspect to the Universe. It’s meant to happen when it’s meant to happen — whenever that is, know that it’s something I’ve waited my whole life for. I know we were not sent to be in each others’ lives to make each other complete, because we already are, on our own — and I will not make it your responsibility to make me happy (even if you do make me happy — you know what I mean).

But know this — with everything I’ve gone through, and everything I’ve learned, I will take none of this for granted. You, Us. I just need you to love me in the way that you know how, and give me tons of cuddles. That’s all. I’m not perfect, I don’t strive to be, but I will choose you, every single day. I know myself now. Where I am in life, it’s safe to say that I’m using both my brain and my heart equally, so I know what I’m doing. I know what I’m getting myself into. If I hadn’t learned anything from my previous relationship, then I would have definitely failed myself. I am confident enough to say that I have not (failed).

Currently, I am a Secretary working at a Real Estate Company. I honestly hope this is not something you would be ashamed of. I’m in the process of figuring out my life, and what I want to do career-wise. I recently realized that I would definitely like to move to the U.K. sometime in the near future, probably doing what I’m still doing, or maybe study again (for some reason I’ve really been thinking about being a Nursery Teacher! But I’m still thinking about it. It’s nice to come up with a few ideas on what to do, I feel like that’s what this “time of pause” is meant for that — figuring things out). But to be honest, I’m pretty happy where I am right now, and all I want is just to be with you, and until that happens, I’m going to try and see where else I could take myself. Before the pandemic happened, I kept saying that as long as I am able to live a comfortable life and see the world, that would be pretty much it — but I know I have to be a little bit more realistic than this. I’m working on it. Life is hard, and short — it could be pretty tricky to find the balance (especially right now), but I’m doing my best. I’m pretty confident that I’ll sort my shit out.

P.S. — At the time this entry is published (August 2020), my annulment has still not been finalized because I do not have the funds yet (it would be roughly around PHP 300K+ ). My friend, who is a Lawyer, says it’ll take less than a year for this to be processed. If my situation bothers you, know that in the year 2020, I’m figuring out how to save up money for my half of the bill. Which is … quite challenging, given the economy’s situation. I know this bit ruined the whole sappy vibe, but thought I’d put it out there. DECEMBER 2020 UPDATE : My annulment was officially filed on September 2020.

P.P.S. — This is probably one entry I will constantly be updating.

P.P.P.S — I’ve always dreamt of having a cheesy photo with my person on a Polaroid so that I could stick it at the back of my phone, underneath the clear Protective case. Please oblige.