I have so much time to myself these days. I couldn’t be any more grateful for it. I have more hours to look out the Window, to stare at myself in the Mirror. Watch my Cat sleep.
I would lie in bed and be all present. Be there. And yet, not be. But in a long time, it doesn’t really scare me anymore. I’m not afraid to wander off. I’m not afraid of the silence.
I’m trying to get used to being this person. Trying to remember the way I was months, years ago… I know a part of me is still in there somehow, but I’m loving who I’ve become now. Partially, emotionally dead. Just what I need. I’ve been too fragile for this world.
I have so much time to study myself, and to accept who I am in the process. Thought I knew all my flaws, but now I really do. And I cringe whenever I come to these realizations, and then I try my best to change them if I could, if I should… with no pressure.
It’s really beautiful.
At the same time, really scary.
I keep wishing my mind isn’t playing tricks on me. But then again, I should be stronger than that.
I mean, c’mon.