… things I already knew.

When Mama died, my whole world shifted. A part of me died with her, and there is a void I will never be able to fill, ever. A cheesy as this sounds, that void served as a way for me to be … reborn. The Abbie that existed before her death has died. A piece of that old me will always be in here, somewhere. But I am never the same, and I do not aspire to be.

I’ve recently reconnected with some of my closest friends from Uni. One of our convos consisted of unearthing old videos and photos all the way from 2005.

2005. I tried to look at that girl who loved to laugh, full of life, so naive. It was like seeing an old friend you have not spoken to in years, who you miss — but are fine to no longer be in contact with.

It also brought me … to finding old photos of Drew and I. I lovingly scrolled from one photo to the next, and I found myself smiling, reminiscing at moments and memories we both built together, and felt … at peace that that part of my life, our life together, has completed its cycle. Drew will always be my best friend. Our recent conversations is proof enough that our friendship will transcend time (I’m even helping him out with girls he’s interested in? He’s told me about his Tinder adventures and lack thereof, LOL — that’s where we’re at now). I could not be more grateful to not be one of those exes who are bitter towards each other. The last thing I need in my heart right now is bitterness, especially towards someone I’ve spent so much of my life growing up with. I am grateful for the peacefulness that exists between Drew and I. I guess that’s the beauty of knowing that we did the right thing, that separating was the best thing we gave each other in the end. I have no regrets.

This quarantine has blessed me with so much time to reflect (and … well, worry, lel) about whatever life has in store for me. But for the most part, it’s just confirmed what I’ve always known about myself, and what I know to truly want, and need in life.

It’s a beautiful thing — to trust. Trust in everything.

I speak it into existence.

It was written in the stars. I may not know much, but this … THIS, I know.